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Hey, this is Leo, for actualised.org. And in this episode, I'm really excited to be talking about masculinity versus femininity. Because I want to help to get you a really deep understanding of the psychology of the male and female mind. Imagine the following situation. You buy yourself a new cat, and you bring this cat hole. You bring it home and you're excited to do all the cat stuff that you know cats love to do. So what's the first thing you do? Well, you say, okay, boy, come here. I want you to rollover, rollover. And the cat sits there. Looks like you're kind of funny, doesn't move. And you kind of scratch your head. You're wondering what's wrong with this cat? Why isn't it rolling over? But you shrug it off? And you say, Okay, fine. All right, boy, let's go, let's go to the park. I'm gonna go take you for a walk to the park. So you grab the leash, hook it up, and walk your cat out the door. He's resisting a little bit, but you kind of pull him anyways. And you're walking to the park and you're walking through the park. And as you're walking through, people are looking at you a little bit funny. But you don't really mind. So you just walk in and you got your bag of stuff and you got your cat and you're just enjoying the beautiful day. And then you get out onto the grassy knoll there. And you take out a tennis ball from your bag, and you throw it out there far into the grass and you say Go, go boy, and you unhook the the cat. And you say go Fetch, fetch the ball. And the cat just sits there. And looks like you're kind of funny. starts looking around and sniffing the grass. Huh? What's wrong with his damn cat? I know he wants the Frisbee. So you pull out the Frisbee, throw the frisbee. Let's go play frisbee boy. And so you throw the frisbee out there towards the cat. And it just flies over his head. He doesn't jump for it. At this point, you're gonna look concerned, you're gonna get frustrated. Maybe you're thinking I bought the wrong cat. Something's going on with this cat. All right, I'll give it a couple of shots. I'm sure we'll break them in. You say yourself. All right. So you get into the car and you're driving back home. And then an idea hits you, hey, why don't we go to the pet store. Pet Store, we'll buy some cool cat toys they're gonna like to play with. And as you're driving to the pet store with your cat, they're sitting near near you at the front seat. You roll down the window, and you say go ahead and boys stick your head out the window. Feel the air. And you try to stick them there towards the window. But he's afraid he runs away from the window. Okay, kind of weird. You're thinking yourself? Well, let's just keep driving to the pet store. So you drive to the pet store. And there, you pick out some nice toys for him. And then you drive back home and you come back home. And you're coming in there with your bag of toys. And you pull out what a bone here boy, here's a bone you like bones, right? And you throw it in front of him. And he just sits there and kind of sniffs at the bone, and then turns around and walks away. What's wrong here? ludicrous, right? ludicrous. The problem is that we're treating the cat like the dog. The problem is that we don't know who we're dealing with here. And this is exactly what we do with the opposite sex. This is exactly what you do with the opposite sex. If you're a man, you treat the woman not like a woman, but like a man. And if you're a woman, you treat the man not like a man, but like a woman. And this problem right here is at the very core of many of the issues that you have in your relationship. So this is like a very deep root problem that I see. What I want to talk about in this episode is gender differences. And the point, the very broad point that I'm going to make is that gender differences are very real. Not only are they real, but they're biologically based, they're physiologically based, they're actually wired into our genetics. So they're real on a very deep level. And they're not merely social or cultural roles. Like, you know, over the last 50 years, especially with the feminist movement, there's been a lot of equalizing of the gender roles in society. And that's been good. But also with that we had a problem, the problem that came about is that we tend to think that, oh, well, gender differences. These are just, you know, shallow surface level things. But actually, they're not. And I'm going to go into a lot of depth here on various research, and various principles and ideas that you want to think about. And we're going to talk about the science, we're going to talk about some of the theory and the concepts. But then also, I'm going to drill it back down to your practical relationship life, how do you actually use these concepts to smoothen out your relationships, and you'll find that some of these shifts in your thinking, could be causing many problems in your relationship that you haven't realized up till now. What I've personally discovered is that it's really important in life, if you ever want to deal with the opposite sex in an intimate way, to understand how the opposite sex thinks, very important. And this is something that most people don't prioritize very highly. And in general, men and women just suck at understanding each other. And what this does is this leads to bitterness and contempt within relationships. And it leads to bitterness and contempt towards the opposite gender. And it creates nasty relationship problems, it creates anger, it can even lead to things like disrespect, and even really nasty stuff, like abusive relationships with physical abuse, or verbal abuse, violence, like all sorts of very dark stuff. But even if you are not going down to that very dark stuff, I guarantee you, I guarantee that you still have smaller issues, and hiccups in your relationship, because of some of these things that you're not recognizing about women, or about men. And the real problem here, with discussing this issue is a it's an emotional issue for people, it's very difficult for them to treat this issue objectively. And what I find is that both men and women have their own defense mechanisms put up. And quite frankly, there's a lot of self righteousness going on, with men being self righteous thinking that, hey, you know, we got a better than women, and women don't understand us. And then women doing the same thing. And they say, No, no, no, we got it right as women, and it's men who don't understand us. And the fact is that you don't understand the opposite sex you not your opposite partner. But you, of course, your partner also has problems. So really, it's both sides who are unconscious here. And they're not really willing to accept gender differences. Or if they do accept gender differences, then they use that in some sort of negative, neurotic way to entrench and justify their prejudices and their dogmas, which is not at all what we're gonna be doing here. Here, we're going to be opening your mind and breaking you free of some of these limits. There's two classic dismissals that the genders make. So what do the men characteristically say about women? They say that women are shallow, that they're overly emotional, that all they're after is money, that that's what they're attracted to. That they're just looking for a provider. And the general gist of that is that women are emotional, crazy drama queens. So that's what women say. I mean, that's what men say, against women to dismiss, having to go and understand why women actually think the way they think. And then what did women say about men? Well, they say also that men are shallow in a different way. Women say that men are cold. They're all about looks. It's all about the ass. It's all about the boobs. And men are fundamentally not loyal. They're like dogs. So the the gist of it is basically that men are careless, they're unavailable, they're superficial. I'm going to talk more about that as we continue. But right now what I want to do is introduce the masculine feminine polarity spectrum. So I like to think of masculinity and femininity as sitting on a spectrum with many shades of grey in between. So it's not that you're just a man, or you're a woman. And it's not that you're just masculine or you're feminine. But those things are different. And they can intermix in all sorts of different ways, which creates edge cases. But even though there are these edge cases, it's still helpful to talk about stereotypes in generalities, because I think that they apply to large percentages and probably majorities of both the sexes. So what is the spectrum? On the one hand, you've got masculinity over here, like full blown masculinity, and then you've got full blown femininity over here. And then you've got everything in between, all the way to the middle, and in the middle, you've just got like, neutrality, or equal 50 50% ratio of both these things, right. Now, what's interesting is that you can sit anywhere on this spectrum, it's not necessarily the case that you're just over here or over here. In fact, what I find is more people, more people are probably towards the center, although they're still polarized. Now, how do you determine what is masculine? What is feminine? Well, I like to think of it in a little bit of like a poetic language. And that is as a form of energy. Think of masculinity as an energy that is going outward, pushing outward. And this energy is all about penetration into the world. And it's about imposing yourself onto the world, dominating the world, you might say. Now, this is like an attitude. It's an orientation towards life. It doesn't just happen in the bedroom. Although, of course, in the bedroom, it's very, very pronounced. And it's extremely obvious and undeniable there. But it also happens in more subtle shades. In the way that a man carries himself the way he talks, the way he makes jokes, the the way he interacts with people, the way he does business. That's masculine. Now feminine. What does that that's the polar opposite. So if masculine is pushing out, feminine is soaking in. It's soaking up life. It's kind of being at the cause of things. And it's flowing with life. And it's flowing with emotions, and it's receiving or surrendering to life. Now, again, that's a generalization. But that's a pretty nice way to generalize feminine energy. So you've got these two poles, right? And rarely is a person super, super feminine. I mean, super masculine, or super, super feminine. It's usually a little bit more towards the center, but not all the way. It's not like people are gender neutral. Most of us aren't, I would say that, like, at least 50% of men are reasonably masculine, in their natural attitude towards life. And 50% of women, at least, are naturally feminine, and their attitude towards life. And then of course, you have a mix of people who are all over the place. You know, there's a lot of variability here, we're talking about statistical averages and trends. But nevertheless, it's helpful, it's helpful to look at the world this way. And what you can do is you can you can peg yourself, pat yourself on the spectrum, where, where do you live? Where do you feel most comfortable, as a man or as a woman? And we should make an important distinction here, between who you are on the outside, and who you are on the inside. Lot of people get this wrong, they think that well, just because I'm a man on the outside, that means I must be masculine, right? No, not necessarily. In fact, a really interesting study, which I'll cite in a little bit here will show just how Stark this distinction can be. But the the gist of it is, is that who you are physically on the outside, can be completely independent from who you are, psychologically on the inside. So you could be a man on the outside, but actually be very feminine on the inside your psychology, it could be very feminine. And likewise, you can be a woman on the outside, but have a very masculine psychology. So that complicates things a little bit. But nevertheless, you know yourself, right? Go ahead and peg yourself somewhere on the spectrum. It just helps to orient you. Also, you might want to ask yourself, Where where, well, where's my, where's my spouse? Where's my partner? Where's my siblings on this spectrum? Where are my parents on the spectrum? Where are my friends on this spectrum? Not because you want to pigeonhole them and limit them and now be prejudicial against them. That's not what I'm telling you here. What I'm telling you here is that your attitude towards the opposite sex when you interact with them both in the bedroom and outside. bedroom, it does depend on how you view them. And just like, if you have a cat and you try to treat it like a dog, that's going to lead to problems. In the same way, if you try to treat a woman like a man, that's going to lead to problems, and vice versa. And I would suggest that you have a lot of problems in your life related to this. And they can be very subtle. So I'll point them out to you as we go along. Right? Don't make the mistake of thinking that this is like a stereotype that now limits I like to think of this as a stereotype that actually allows you to understand the world from the other person's perspective, from their point of view. So actually, this is an expanding stereotype. Sounds a little weird to say that. But definitely, you know, stereotypes do have truth in them. And if you use them to actually get perspective from the other person, than they can be very helpful. And that's exactly what I encourage you to use them for here. So let's go back to that point that I made about the feminist movement. You know, in the last 6070 years, there's been the feminist movement, and you know, women's rights have happened, and women have the right to vote. And there's been a lot of equality in the workplace happening and anti sexual harassment laws and all this stuff, at least in the Western world. And that's been a really positive trend. But I think that one problem that happened there is that yes, you know, we got more equality with civil rights. But there's a distinction to be made between civil rights, and then just who you're comfortable being in your body. So even though we want civil equality, we want men and women to be equal, politically, and, you know, legally, and all that kind of stuff. We want them all treated fairly and treated nicely. But the problem with that is that if you carry that over too far, you can start treating everyone equally. Even in your intimate relationships. And even in your just casual interactions. It's like, it's overly equalized. And I think that with Western society, and Western culture, and media and politics, there's like this overreaction to over equality. Because there's this real sensitivity to being politically correct. And in fact, even just talking about this issue, when I talk about this issue, and I bring it up, you know, I get a lot of flack from men and some women who have their own agendas. And of course, you know, I have my own agenda, too. So we all have our own agendas. But generally, you know, this is a very touchy subject to talk about kind of like talking about race, that can be a touchy subject, too. And society just wants to kind of say, well, okay, just treat everyone totally equally, like we're gender neutral. But the fact is, we're not gender neutral. We don't want to kid ourselves about that. The fact is that biologically, we are very different from each other, both genders. But this biology is not just happening on the outside, it's also happening on the inside. And this is what most people don't understand. And I'll cite some studies on this coming up here in a minute. But you know, for me, personally, my own story, my own personal story is that I really didn't get involved with romantic relationships through high school and college, because I was so focused on other parts of my life, not because I didn't want to, but just like I was really focused on my career, and my life purpose. So after I figured that part out, you know, after college, then I was kind of open to go and explore romantically start dating and getting better at that and learning about women learning about masculinity, because I didn't even know that much about masculinity, even though I was a man. And so, you know, I started studying that and started actually getting experiences there. And one of the things that kind of blew my mind is learning about the asymmetry between intimate, male female relationships. It's not like the relationship is symmetrical. Not at all, there's division of labor there. And there's also very big differences between what attracts a woman to a man and a man to a woman. There's real a cemetery. And I see a lot of people not noticing this a cemetery and I, when I started off, because I grew up in the 90s. And you know, the 90s has already been affected by the feminist movement a lot. So it's, everything's like equal, right? And so when I was growing up, I'm like, well, just treat everyone equal treat everyone neutrally. So I would basically my approach to treating women in a relationship would be, hey, you're just like a man, right? We're all the same. And little did I know how how many problems that causes causes a lot of problems. Even though society tells you hey, that's what you should be doing. Well, maybe that's what you should be doing in the political setting. But that's definitely not what you should be doing in the bedroom. Certainly not in the bedroom, you can't even do it in the bedroom, even if you wanted to, you couldn't do it in the bedroom. Because there's just, it's just so blatantly obvious how different we are not just physically but psychologically. But you also, it's hard to do that not even you know, in the bedroom, but just outside the bedroom, when you're dealing with your girlfriend or boyfriend that will cause you problems. So one of the key insights that I want to share with you is something that I call a symmetrical but balanced, asymmetrical, but balanced. This is a concept I actually got from game design, I used to be game designer. And one of the concepts in game design is that sometimes you're designing a game where you have two sides, but they don't have equal resources. So what do you do when, you know one team has the tank and the rocket launcher, and the other team has a sniper rifle? They're different sides with different weapons and different powers and different skills yet there they need to be able to fight and kind of play together. Otherwise, it's going to be a, you know, if it's an unbalanced game, that it's not fun, and no one wants to play it. So you got to balance those out, even though the sides could be different. How do you balance it out? Well, you can balance something that is asymmetrical, you don't necessarily need to give both sides, a rocket launcher, and a tank and a sniper rifle to make them be able to balance out. So that's kind of the art of good game designers know how to balance a symmetry. But as it applies to this context of men and women, I think the best example of this balanced asymmetry is in the Yin Yang symbol, the classic timeless symbol known across the entire world, for balance, right, we can use this symbol to represent balance, and what is the Yin Yang, it's a circle. And then it's got this S shape like this, where you have one part sticking out, and the other part sticking in, and then vice versa, one part sticking out the other parts sticking in and you got the black and the white. And this can be used to represent masculine and feminine in and out penetration and surrender. And that's a beautiful symbol. But notice that this symbol is not equal. What would the Yin Yang look like if it was truly equal? Well, if we were very politically correct, and we wanted to equalize the Yin Yang, we would just erase the S shape the dividing line here in the middle, we would erase that, and then we would just draw a straight line down so that we would have two perfectly equal hemispheres. But if we did that, I think you can see that we would lose some real beauty in the Yin Yang. And in fact, it's like the balance is even more beautiful, when the sides are different and complementary, perfectly complementary. And I think that that's kind of the dynamic that we have, as men and women. That's kind of how nature designed us. And it's a really cool design. And I think that when you go against this design, and you try to pretend like everything is equal, then that creates some frustration and some friction that naturally shouldn't be there. So let's talk a little bit about the science behind this. One of the things if you start doing research into the biology of the mind, and the brain, and physiology of the male and female body, is you start to see that there are really big differences, not just physically, but internally, with the brain. So our brains are literally wired differently. And there's a really great book called The Red Queen, which tackles a lot of the biology and the physiology behind male and female differences. And there's a lot of depth in that book, which I can only scratch the surface of here, but I'll mention a couple of really important studies. One of the most important studies, or things that they've discovered, is that when the human being is born, when it's just conceived, it's not even out of the womb, yet. Already, it has a certain physiology to the brain. And what they discovered is that the default human brain is the emotional brain, which, in other words, is the female brain. That's the default brain. So if you take a baby, and you you just state it in the womb, and then you give it birth, and it's just kind of left alone to its own devices, then that becomes the female mind. Now, how do you get the male mind? To get the male mind what needs to happen is you need to inject that female mind as it's developing with testosterone. Testosterone is the male hormone so what how happens is that when you're in your first trimester or second trimester, I forget exactly when during the pregnancy, but when that baby is just developing in the womb, if it's supposed to be a boy, usually what happens is that the body, the mother's body naturally injects a shot of testosterone into the, into the baby into the bloodstream. And that testosterone works on the development of the brain. And literally, what it does is it severs the corpus callosum, which is the bridge, the physical bridge linking the right and the left hemisphere together. In the baby's brain, it severs that. And that results in the male mind. And then that that mind develops more and more and more, the hemispheres become more and more specialized. And then the baby is born and it grows up. And then at puberty, you get a second injection of testosterone, of course, as you're, as you're developing, and you're maturing and becoming an adult, and so that creates the adult man and his mind. And then you know what the woman, the woman gets an injection of testosterone, I mean, not testosterone, but estrogen and the other female hormones. And that creates an even more female mind, later on after adolescence. So this is a really cool thing. Because what it tells you is that the brains are actually literally different. The female brain is more like holistic, because that severing of the hemispheres hasn't happened. So the left and right, they are more kind of like working together on problems. And the male mind, or the male brain is more about specialization. So you have the left and right hemispheres specializing for particular purposes. And this can be seen in various studies that you can do on men and women. Now, this doesn't mean that were totally different. I mean, there's still a lot of similarity and overlap between the male and female mind. But it also means that there are some real differences that we have to acknowledge. Here they are. The men's brain is wired for systematic thinking, and for figuring out how stuff works. This is very important to understand, especially for women, because women have difficulty understanding this. Literally, the male mind is wired for logic. That's what it's wired for. It's wired for modeling the world. That's what the man does most of his life is he walks around modeling the world. That's his thing. Have you noticed that about men? That's what men do. It's funny. Now, what about the women's brains, women's brains are wired more for emotional thinking, and loving and empathizing. And relating to other human beings. That's what emotional acuity gets you is that better ability to relate and interact with other human beings. It also allows you to do language a little bit better. In the male mind, language is limited to one hemisphere, mostly, in the female mind, the language is kind of distributed across both hemispheres. And so this makes them a little bit stronger at verbal skills. And this is actually demonstrated in studies in you know, subtle ways. So for example, they've done studies where they have a man and a woman trying to navigate through a maze. And they just try to see who's better at navigation. And what they discover is that consistently, men are better at navigating maps, and navigating three dimensional spaces. Why is that? Because their mind is more systematic, and it's able to actually create a picture or a model or a map of the territory, which helps them then to navigate that complicated space. Women struggle with that a little bit more, which is maybe why women struggle, figuring out where to drive sometimes common stereotype, right? But this shows you that maybe there's a little bit of a biological underpinning to that stereotype. And then, what about for women? Well, what they discovered for women is that women have slightly higher verbal skills, generally speaking, than men do. And then of course, women's minds are much better at understanding subtle emotional cues. And in a sense, you might say that femininity is all about like being in touch with Your intuitive nature, right? It's not about rationally needing to figure everything out sometimes the way men want to do, it's more about just kind of going with the flow and also being in touch with your emotions and your feelings and using that as a guide. And that's a valid way to guide yourself. So it's interesting how that happens. Now, also, what's interesting is that, you know, we talked about how that testosterone is shot into the, the baby's brain when it's still developing in the womb, well, there can be failures with that, not always does the boy get a full dose of testosterone, which is what can lead to a man growing up, but having a more feminine mind than some other men. Right. And likewise, when the girl is developing in the womb, she might get a bit of testosterone that maybe she shouldn't have otherwise gotten. And so that makes him a little bit more masculine. And so this starts to explain why there are so many edge cases and so much gray area on the spectrum of masculine feminine, right. And in fact, what's cool is that you can actually have a man who has a female mind. And you can have a woman who has a male mind. And nowhere is this more point poignantly displayed than in this study. And this one study that they did is just mind blowing that it works this way, what they did is they took fruit flies, they took fruit flies, and they isolated the different genes, and they splice some genes in the fruit fly. And what they discovered is that you can take a male fruit fly splice in some female genes, and then what happens is that you actually get a male fly on the outside, with a female brain on the inside. And you know what happens in that case, the characteristic behaviors of female flies will be exhibited by the male fly. Just as though he was a female, even though from the outside, he looks like a male. So for example, female flies will flap their wings in a certain way. Or they'll have certain patterns with which they'll move their legs or how they'll, they'll spin around, or how they dance and coordinate with other flies. So you can see those behaviors in a male fly, if you give it a female brain. And exactly vice versa, you can take a female fly on the outside, give it a male brain, and then that will create male tendencies and behaviors within the externally female fly. This is an amazing, you know, amazing piece of research. And they've actually done this in the lab. And they they've seen this and, you know, you can go and follow up on that research and just take a look at it for yourself. But I think that that, that helps to explain quite a lot about what's really going on here, why we do have these real gender differences. And that's why I say that gender differences are not just social and cultural norms, there seems to be something much deeper there. So men's brains are really built for logic, because logic is helpful for building stuff, constructing stuff. And women's brains are geared to be emotional, because emotions are really helpful for relating to people, but most importantly, for nurturing children. So women's brains are more capable of giving the child the love that it needs so that it can grow up into a healthy adult. And we'll talk about that in a second. Another study, or set of studies that's really fascinating is to take a look at chimps studies. And there's a really great book by France to wall who's one of the leading primatologists in Europe, and where he talks about the research that he's done for, like 20 or 40 years on chimpanzees, and bonobos. And what he does, he sits in a zoo, and he watches chimpanzees and bonobos and studies them very deeply. And what you see in these studies, is that, first of all, you got to understand that there's a big difference between chimps and bonobos, chimps are male dominated, their hierarchy is male dominated. So there's like an alpha male and a beta male and a whole chain of males. And that's like the power structure in chip group. In the bonobo group, it's the exact opposite is female dominated. And so you've got like the alpha female, and then beta females and got the hierarchy of females and then you've got the males who are basically ruled by the females. Really cool. But what's even more interesting is how the males and the females reinforce their power. So the, the male chimps in the chimp group, that They literally conspire to, to murder each other or to plot assassination attempts. This is how they vie for power. And so what happens is that often, male chimps will bite each other to death or beat each other to death. And they'll actually coordinate with other chimps to help them to do that. So like literally, you know, they create coos, it's incredible. And then the women just kind of sit back and watch as all this happens. So it's a very violent, kind of domineering, very highly masculine form of rule. Whereas with the bonobos, it's the exact opposite. The females use a much more gentle form of manipulation and persuasion to maintain their power. And their power is not reinforced through physical strength, or plotting conspiracies. Instead, it's reinforced through building long term relationships, and through solidifying those relationships with love. And in fact, what's crazy about bonobos is that they have sex constantly, all the time. They have so much sex is ridiculous. Not only do they have sex, but they they have homosexual sex, so women will have sex with other women. Why does this happen, because the sex is not used for procreation purposes, as much as it is used for bonding purposes and building relationships. So it's all very emotional, you might say, it's very sappy. I'm very feminine way to rule. And then males just kind of sit back and just follow the lead in that. So it's really crazy how that works. Now, for the human species, I think we're a little bit obviously more like the chimp than the bonobo, but it shows you how big of a difference it makes, what kind of mind is ruling the society. And what the dynamics are there, it's just shows you if you start reading these studies, and this is just the tip of the iceberg of this kind of study about chimps and bonobos, you start to see just how different the male and females are within the species. So if you take a look at a male Chimp, and a female, Chimp, they are different in how they behave and how they act. And the same thing for the bonobos. It's quite amazing. So I think that what all of this says, is it says that we have real differences in Preferences and orientation and an attitude towards life. That's the key difference here. I'm not saying that like, men are better, or women are better, or men are stronger, and women are weak or something like that, first of all, notice that in this discussion, we're not making any prejudicial claims. And we're not saying that, like, hey, men are better, or women are better. We're saying that there's pros and cons to the natural design of the mind, as you would expect, right? In evolution. When you engineer something, it works better at certain things, and then works on other things. And then some other design and evolution works better at certain things, but then not other things. Kind of like what you expect, right? And design has a natural function coming along with it. And so what I think happened in evolutions infinite wisdom, is that it specialized the sexes, so that the task of living together and raising a family together became easier. So that instead of having two totally equal partners coming together, and just dividing all the labor equally, what happened was that there was the division of labor. Men were more geared towards going out there, and maybe hunting or procuring resources, or vying for power, that kind of thing. And women were more geared towards building relationships over the long term and, and then raising the children and spending time with the children. So you know, that's, that's our heritage. That's what it looks like, at least from the evolutionary history perspective. Now, does that mean that that's what we're destined for for the rest of eternity? No, and we've had a lot of equality happen there. But I think we have to be honest, that the attitude differences and the differences in desire are there between the sexes. Men want different things than women. And women want different things than men. And there's many examples we can cite of this. I mean, do you really think that it's just a cultural norm, that we dress a baby girl in a pink dress? And then we dress a boy in some kind of like tuxedo, when we take them to a formal event? Do you think that's just a cultural norm? I think it goes deeper. I think there's something about the color pink that actually women are more drawn to, like, physiologically, their mind is more drawn to it than the male mind. You know, I don't know if they did did any studies on this, but I'm pretty sure that if you just take a look at the in innate desires of a baby that's just been born, and you give it a pink blanket versus a blue blanket, that if it's a girl, and it's a kind of feminine mind, it'll probably be more drawn to the pink blanket. And if it's a boy who has a masculine mind, he'll probably be more drawn to the blue blanket, not for cultural reasons or for peer pressure. But just because naturally, that's what the mind is kind of pulling him towards. And you see this everywhere else in society, right? So it probably starts at a very early age, right from birth. But you also see it just exacerbate more and more as we mature, and become adults. Just go take a look at any engineering department, or computer science department in the university. You know, I haven't been to all university. So I don't know what it's really like. But I'm willing to guess, because I was in engineering when I was when I was in my undergrad. And if you've been in the engineering department, you know that there's like 95% men and 5% women in engineering, or in computer science. Now, you could say, well, Leo, that's because you know, women aren't given the same kind of opportunities in math and science that men are. And there's prejudices in the system against women for going into fields like engineering. Now, I would say, yeah, there's probably some of that. Sure. And it was certainly really bad. In the past, it's gotten a lot better. And we we still probably want to make it more equal. But I would submit to you that that is not the reason why there's only 5% women within engineering classes. The reason why is because engineering and computer programming are highly logical, highly systematic ways of thinking that not that women can't do it. But women don't really want to do it. You see that difference? Huge difference. Don't misinterpret me as saying that women can't. I'm saying they don't want to. Generally speaking now, are there women who break this exception? Of course, there are the 5%. There are many women who are great scientists, and engineers, and logicians and mathematicians. But how common are they in society? They're pretty rare. Right? And the opposite of this is also true. So go find an activity or a role, or a job, where you require a lot of emotional thinking and empathizing. And you will find that there are much fewer men in that job, or in that activity than women. So what would be an example of this, I don't know, maybe like human resources, in companies, human resources in the job where you need to, you know, be kind of empathetic with people a lot. And it's a kind of a people relationship type of job. And so there's more women gravitating towards HR than men, just as a general rule of thumb. Now, does this mean that a man cannot be good at HR? No, of course he can. But he's geared and drawn towards something else? Because he has some different desires. Right? I mean, and of course, the most obvious example is raising kids. I think unquestionably, females are better suited towards raising children than men. You know, does this mean that a father cannot raise a child on his own? And have the child come out? Well, no, Dad could do that just fine. But that's the exception. That's not the trend. And if you take a look at the way the male mind works, it's not really good at relating to people. In fact, there's a really important book on this subject called the essential difference, where one of the leading researchers on autism and male female mind studies he presents a lot of studies in this book and a lot of in depth discussion. But what I learned from this book is amazing thing is that, if you consider what the male mind actually is, is that it's the female mind. That's a little bit autistic. Think about that. Autism is a disorder, where what happens is that the mind becomes extremely logical, overly logical, it becomes so good at modeling and systematizing that it becomes like overly anal about factual stuff. And what this does, this creates an actual disorder because an autistic person has such difficulty relating to other people and empathizing with other people. And they literally can't see the world from the other person's shoes. And this creates very practical problems for them, because they can't even like, sit there at the dinner table and engage in a discussion, because they'll just blurt out some totally obnoxious thing that they don't understand is going to offend everyone at the dinner table. But to them, it's just like a logical fact. And so that's one problem with autism, also, Asperger syndrome is another form of that. The way that happens is that you get the male mind, but then it goes hyper masculine, it becomes hyper logical, and it becomes autistic, turns into a disorder. What's interesting, though, is that if you compare the male mind to the female mind, what the male mind is, is just a slightly more autistic, female mind. And this is exactly what makes men behave like men. This is exactly what makes a little men a little bit more detached, a little bit less emotional, a little bit less needy, a little bit more, more like assholes a little bit more cold hearted than women. And why is that good? Well, that's good, because that allows the man to go out and like, fight a war, right? pretty helpful for that, to be detached from emotions. If you care about people so much, then you probably won't want to slit their throats, or bayonet them in the gut. So that helps for that. Now, with women, they're more emotional, empathetic, what does that help with that helps with nurturing children. Because what does a child need a child needs unconditional love and support? A child doesn't need logic, a child does need to be told everything that he's doing wrong. In fact, that's a common mistake that fathers make with their children is that fathers are so overly logical that they're not considering the child's feelings or emotions. They're just telling the child exactly the, you know, the blunt truth of the world. And maybe the child is not able to handle that at first. And so the child becomes this neurotic kid who's trying to please his father for the rest of his life. And that creates problems. Right? So very deep, right? I think this, this goes so deep if you really want to study this subject, and you want to take a look at all the different factors that are here. What's what's really amazing is that, that I'm going to talk more about this is that it's very easy to dismiss as men, it's very easy to dismiss the importance of emotions. Because we tend to say that oh, well, you know, we live in a very tight time scientific and technological society. So what good are emotions? Emotions are useless. We want to model the world and figure everything out. We want to be very scientifical and logical, but women aren't logical. So women are kind of crazy. How do we deal with that? Well, let me not deal with that issue at all. But see what you're not accepting about women there is that you're not accepting that? Yes, maybe they're all crazy at times and emotional, but they also created you. Think about your mother, if you had a good mother, she showered you with unconditional love. And unconditional love allows you to become the fully developed, emotionally stable man that you are now. What if your mother didn't shower you with love? What if she was hypercritical? And basically like a man? What happened then? Then you are right now a very neurotic man. You're not an emotionally stable man. If your mother was that way. Why is that? Well, because love, it turns out, and they've done studies on this, some very cruel studies on animals, where they can actually take a chimp, or some monkey, not a chimp, but a monkey. And they raise that monkey without the mother, they separate the monkey from the mother monkey at birth, stick the little baby monkey in a cage and just leave it there and let it grow up. And what happens that monkey becomes completely dysfunctional. It is not able to interact with other monkeys wants to be introduced to a troop. It's, it's always fearful. It's angry, it's basically neurotic. And it's not able to live a happy life. Forever, that monkey is fucked. Why is that? Because it didn't receive the mother's affection. When it was growing up. It didn't receive the cuddles. It didn't receive the love. It didn't receive the attention and the looks and the emotions. So as men, we can dismiss this a little bit too easily. Right? This is the power of women. Women do have a very strong power and their power is love and emotions and relationships. And if you think that the world could run just fine without any of that stuff, then you are autistic. And you're you've got a real big blind spot in your model of reality. Because society could not function without adults who are not neurotic, and did not receive love as children. So just keep that in mind as you criticize women for being overly emotional. Now, what about women, women also make a mistake here. Women refuse to accept the male mind. Because what women don't like about the male mind is that it's detached. They don't like the fact it's a little bit too cold hearted at times. They also don't like the fact that men are highly sexual. And they're pretty frivolous with their sexuality. So men a lot of times don't like to commit sexually to one woman. And this baffles the woman, because the woman's like, hey, why don't you want to commit to me? And the man's like, Hey, I just treat you like an object. Because I treat the entire world as an object. Everything is an object. That's what my mind does. I have a logical mind, which means that treats everything objectively, to the woman, she hears that she's like, You mean, I'm an object to you. And then, by that point, the man is like, Shit, I shouldn't have told her that. I was being too honest. And that's an example of the man being autistic. Right? So what does the man do? He lies to the woman and he says, Oh, honey, I love you so much. And you're you're so special to me, You're not an object, you're not an object. So that's how it goes right? Now, I'm, I'm kind of playing this up a little bit. But, but you know, a lot of women struggle with accepting this. A lot of women struggle with accepting this. And that's what the sexes do, you know, we refuse to accept each other's fundamental biological attitudes towards life. Women don't want to accept attachment in men. Women don't want to accept the male sex drive. They say that it's wrong. And from the female perspective, you can see how that's true. And then from the male perspective, what men refuse to do is men refuse to accept the emotional language of women. They think women are complicated and overly emotional kind of needy. And that comes with problems and you can't reason with them. They're not fact based. And of course, you know, from the male's perspective, that's true. But what I encourage you to do is I encourage you to start to see the opposite sex from their perspective, not from your perspective, it's very easy to look at the world from your perspective, that's the easy thing. The emotionally difficult thing is to say, Okay, well, let me put my own shit aside. And let me take your perspective. And let me just see what the world looks like from your perspective. And let you let me maybe see how I'm wrong about your perspective. That's what people suck at. And they refuse to do. Let me mention another really important insight that I got from the essential difference. Here's the insight. And this in one single statement, basically encapsulates the whole difference between the male and female mind. It's very telling, boys would rather hurt feelings, to uphold logic. Whereas girls would rather break logic to save feelings. Think about that. Think about how deeply true that is. If you just go back through your life, and remember all the times that you've interacted with men or with women, and there were issues there, you could understand the opposite sex. And you apply this principle to that misunderstanding. All of a sudden, it's like a light bulb flashes in your head, like, Oh, of course. Of course, I see what was going on in that situation. Of course, I understand why I was fighting with my wife. Or of course, I understand why my boyfriend was an asshole. Of course, because boys value facts and logic more than emotions. Girls value emotions and feelings more than facts. And that's reflected in our attitudes, and in every way in which we interact in the world. So there's a there's a real failure in assuming that the opposite sex is like us. And we make this mistake, because usually, how do we learn to deal with other people? Well, we actually learn from translating our own experiences onto other people through kind of a projection mechanism. So For example, if I stick my hand in a fire, and it hurts, and it burns me, and I'm like out, okay, I learned that fire hurts me. But then I look at another person who's about to reach into the flame, and I say, hey, stop, that's gonna burn you, that's gonna hurt. Why do I do that? Well, because I can translate this experience and projected on to that situation over there. And what's the assumption going on there? The assumption is that, hey, my psychology is like his psychology or her psychology. And we can use this generalization, this general assumption. So you know, to, to live and work in life very effectively. So it's a very helpful assumption, except when it comes to the genders. See, in the genders, what we do is we, we say, Oh, I'm a man. And I like, a certain kind of sex. And I like, you know, certain kinds of things. And I expect the woman to also like those things, right? And of course, the answer is no. Women don't like action movies. And women don't like, you know, going to the gym and lifting super heavy weights. And women don't like you know, don't like talking about sports. That's not what women generally like talking about, um, some women do, but generally they don't. Women like other stuff, why do they like other stuff, because that stuff appeals to their nature more. You're gonna encounter a lot of problems, if you sort of treat your woman as though she did like those things. And I mean, you could actually go test this out, go get one of your, if you're a guy, go get one of your woman friends, take her out for a coffee, sit her down, and then spend the next 60 minutes talking about computer rendering algorithms. Just talk about that, see how she likes it. See, if she'll go on a second coffee with you. After that, you know, she's gonna, her eyes are gonna glaze over if you do that. And you know, if you're a woman, try the opposite thing. Try to get one of your buddies to like, you know, an arts and crafts store. Take one of your men friends to an arts and crafts store and talk about the different, you know, fabrics that you're going to buy for the wedding that you're planning and see how into that he's going to be his eyes will glaze over, he'll want to shoot himself, most likely. So why is this? Well, that's because we have these different preferences. And that's just how it is, right? So be careful about making this assumption that, hey, what I'm attracted to as a woman is what the man should be attracted to. No, ridiculous. As the woman you're attracted to the man's personality, to his humor, to his confidence, and then a lot of women say, Well, I'm attracted to that in the man. So of course, he's attracted to that in me, right? And of course, the answer's no, he's attracted to you physically, he's attracted to your body, he's attracted to you're asked to your face into your tits. That's the harsh reality of it. That's the reality that women do not want to hear. And they get pissed off at me for saying it. And they say, No, Leo, he's attracted to my personality. And if he's not attracted my personality, that I'll just go become a lesbian. See, when you take that kind of attitude, what you're doing is you're falling into this trap of refusing to understand the opposite sex. And, you know, men make the same mistake. make this mistake as well. You know, how many comments do I get under some of my videos about how to attract women that say that oh, well, women, what they're looking for is they're looking for looks, it's all about looks. And it's all about the money. That's what they say. It's all about how you're how tall you are. Well, you're judging from your perspective, from the man's perspective, it's all about looks. So of course, you would think that the woman wants looks from you, and that that's what she's primarily attracted to is to your looks, of course, you'd think that, because that's how you see women. But see, you're making this bad assumption that a woman thinks like a man, when in fact, she does not. So yeah, so this is some of the stuff you have to accept. And this can be difficult stuff to accept. Sometimes we just don't want to let me tell you, in summary, what the sexes really want, here's what men really want. And this is kind of a harsh truth. Men in their relationship in their I'm talking about in their intimate relationship. What men want is they want sexual variety. They want easy going companionship, so that they can go out and dominate the world and be a man because that's what a man wants to do. And they want respect, and primarily sex. So what does the man get out of an intimate relationship primarily respect and sex Now what about women? What do women want from intimate relationships, they want security, not material security, even as much as emotional security, primarily emotional security. They also want leadership. They want deep emotional intimacy. And they want love. Generally speaking, they want love. So notice how different those two things are. And this perfectly explains the difficulties that men and women have with attracting and keeping each other. It's because we, we don't understand what's going on here. And we assume like, hey, the woman should be like me, or the man should be like me. And no, not at all. No, they shouldn't. So what do we do about all this? And how do we apply this to your life? Well, here's the gist of it. Not only do you need to stop resisting these differences, you need to actively assimilate and accept them. Not only do you need to accept them, then you need to teach yourself how to celebrate these differences with your partner, and how to accentuate these differences. And if you can do that, you will see that your relationship with your partner goes so much smoother. Our natural tendency is not to do this. Our natural tendency is to be a stubborn mule. And to resist this entire process, and to just say, hey, men are stupid, and I don't want anything to do with them, or they need to learn how to treat women better. Or the men will say no, women are crazy and emotional. And all I'm going to do is I'm gonna use them for sex, I'm gonna throw them all away. Right? Those are the two common strategies that the sexes take when they're being obstinate. So what can you do to fix this? Well, start by accepting some of the facts, I'm telling you here, start thinking about them. I also encourage you to actually start doing research, do some research, go buy some books, maybe take a seminar about masculine and feminine, polarities. Learn about this stuff, learn the research, learn the science. Go date more people go carefully observe how men and women interact. You can learn a lot from that, that will help to convince your mind that these differences are real, and they really exist. And then it's about kind of coordinating with your partner to celebrate and accentuate their differences. And I'll tell you about that in a in a second here. But first, I want to help you right now to get a little bit of awareness around this with a visualization exercise. All right, so you're ready, we're gonna do two exercise. The first one is going to be for the men, the second one's gonna be for the women. So all the men in the audience, go ahead and take a comfortable seat, relax and close your eyes. And this is just gonna be a quick couple of minute visualization for you, just to prove a point. And now ladies, you can just sit back and watch. Alright, so your eyes are closed and you're getting present. In the moment right now, let go of any random thoughts you may have. And just get in touch with your body and with the sound of my voice. Good. As you relax even more, with your eyes closed, I'd like you to picture yourself in the bedroom having sex. Picture yourself having sex. Except this is not the normal way you have sex. Here, what's happening is that instead of you doing the penetrating, which is what you usually like to do, here, I want you to picture yourself getting penetrated. Picture yourself surrendering completely in the bedroom and just getting completely fucked. Now I'm being serious. This is not a joke. I want you to picture this. You're probably going to resist in your mind is probably going to find it a little distasteful. If you're masculine, to do this exercise, but do it anyways force yourself. Get past that. You're a grown man and you can do it. And just picture that and allow yourself to feel what it might feel like to get fucked and to completely surrender yourself in the bedroom. The way that a woman feels. First I want to notice I want you to notice if you have any resistance to this exercise, so just note that if you do but then go beyond it and then what I want you to do is I want you to notice how beautiful it is and how cool it is to be Be able to surrender yourself to life as an attitude. Both in the bedroom and outside the bedroom. That's femininity. That's a beautiful and valid way to live life. Can you see the beauty in it? Can you see the beauty and being emotional and not being so neurotically logical the way that you are as a man acknowledge it to yourself and just accept that as being a valid way to live life. No better, and no worse than your masculine approach that you typically take. Good. Go ahead and open your eyes now. And you can sit back and relax. And now I want to help the ladies. Alright, ladies, go ahead and close your eyes and relax in your seat. And now you probably know what's coming. But just go ahead and let go of all your thoughts. Get into the present moment. Focus on the sound of my voice and the feelings in your body. Good. Now, what I'd like you to imagine is to picture yourself in the bedroom having sex. Except you're not surrendering the way you would normally like to. But this time you are the one who's doing the penetrating picture that picture yourself doing the fucking you have might have some resistance to that might feel distasteful to you. But notice it and just go past that and picture it anyways. And I want you to notice and to acknowledge yourself how beautiful and cool it is to be the one doing the fucking in life. Can you see the beauty of that as an attitude? towards all of life, not just in the bedroom? But even outside the bedroom? Can you see the power of being a little bit detached from your emotions? Can you see the power in dominating the world? How that can be a cool thing. Just notice it and acknowledge it as a valid way to live life. No better or worse than your typical feminine approach. Good, go ahead and open your eyes. Alright, so what did you get there? You got a very real taste. If you weren't convinced yet, of just how ingrained your tendencies towards masculine or feminine actually are. Most of you probably found these exercises to be difficult and distasteful. And many of you maybe even didn't do them because of that. Well, what does that tell you, that tells you just how strong your preferences are for the masculine or the feminine. It also shows you how much resistance you have towards seeing the world from the opposite perspective. And if you have that kind of resistance, if you are not able to the exercise, that I guarantee you that that is manifesting somewhere inside your relationships. You're gonna have a very strong tendency to want to convert your partner to your sex. This is what causes so many relationship problems. Here's how it works like this. The woman comes home from work and she's upset. And the man is sitting there and he wants to kind of comfort her and help her. So she comes over she's maybe kind of crying or whatever. She has a really bad day her boss was being a dick or whatever. She hates her job. So she comes there and she's looking for all support. Now the man what does he do? The man in his mind just automatically says okay, let's fix her problem for her. Honey, what's going on? What's going to tell you what's going on at work? Oh, your boss is an asshole. Okay. All you know, I'll go talk to him tomorrow for you. Or you know what, I think you should quit that job and go get that new job. You know, I think that we can get you job over here, that will fix your problem, Honey, stop crying. That's what the man will do. Now how's the woman going to react? The woman's going to react negatively. Now the man, he thinks, Hey, I just fixed your problem, you should love me more. The woman's going to think, no, you asshole, you didn't understand what the problem was, I didn't want you to fix my problem. I wanted some emotional support. I want you to listen to me to hear me out, and just maybe give me a hug. And just tell me that everything's gonna be okay. As the guy, we're like, what? Why don't you want to fix your problem? Why do you want all this emotional support? You don't need any of that? How about we get you a better job, then you can be happy. Your boss, I could be big anymore. Now you don't need to come home crying anymore. And now there's no problem. Isn't that what you really want? And the woman looks at him and starts arguing and fighting with them? Why is that happening? Because what the man doesn't understand in this situation is that he's actually criticizing the very essence of the woman. See, we feel good when we are who we authentically want to be. So the woman if you're a feminine woman, she wants to be feminine, she wants to be emotional, she wants to experience that emotional range. She doesn't want to be hyper logical, or artistic like you. So you got to let the woman do that. When you tell her that that's wrong. And you criticize her for that. By calling her overly emotional and irrational, what you're doing is you're actually telling her, Hey, honey, be a woman on the outside, but be a man on the inside for me. Can you do that? And the woman of course says, No, I want to be a woman on the inside. I don't want to be a man on the inside, you idiot. And then that creates an argument. So that's the one side now what about the opposite side of that? So let's say the man come home from work. And you know, his boss was being an asshole, and his job is going badly. He's in a glum mood. Now, the woman is there at home. And she, of course, wants to comfort him. So what does she do? She runs over on the couch, she sits by him and she says, Oh, honey, tell me about how your day went and tell me what you're feeling. I want to know what you're feeling. And she's trying to like, hug him and get close to him and, and find out everything that's going on and showered him with support. What does the man do? The man pushes her aside, you know, I'm going to go into the garage and work on my car. I'll be back in three hours. What's going on there? As the man, he does not want to get all emotional and sappy about this problem. As men, what do we want, we want to actually fix problems. That's our logical attitude. So we don't want to we want to share our feelings with you when we're, you know, when we're upset or something like that. We just want to go maybe be alone, not talk to you for a while, then we can come back. Maybe we're in a better mood or something like that. But now, what is the woman trying to do? The woman says, Honey, don't don't don't leave, come back here. Tell me what's going on. I want to know more. Tell me more. Tell me how you're feeling. She follows him into the garage and say, Honey, tell me how you're feeling. I want to comfort you and all this. What does this do to the madness? Because the man off? Why does it piss them off. Because as the man I want to be masculine on the inside, I want to be allowed to be who I want to be. When you're forcing me, especially when I'm in a bad mood, and you're forcing me to tell you all my intimate emotions and get sappy with you know, maybe sometimes I want to do that. But generally, I don't want to do that. I want to detach from my emotions as a man rather than surrender into them. And I want to go and maybe think it through logically and find some logical solution. Or maybe I just want to distract myself and numb out the emotions. But if you want me to sit here for an hour, spilling all my emotions out to you, then that's just gonna piss me off. What you're doing as the woman is you're asking me to be, Hey, honey, be a man on the outside for me. But on the inside, please be a woman. That's what you're doing. And of course, that creates problems. When someone criticizes your very essence, you're gonna get defensive, and you're gonna feel offended, and you're gonna feel misunderstood. And that's exactly what the sexes do to each other, and how we feel about each other. It's like the man wants a supermodel hot girlfriend, who has the mind of one of his beer drinking buddies. That's the ideal woman for the average man. And for the woman, the ideal man is like, you know, this very dominant Alpha leader guy who like kicks ass and dominates in the world and doesn't give a shit about anybody. But on the other hand, keep comes home, and he spilled his guts out, and his heart out. And he loves you. And he's so attached to you, and He makes you the center of his life. That's what you want as the woman. So basically, it's like you want a man on the outside with your girlfriend's mind, on the inside? How fucked up is that? One thing we need to recognize is that men and women are who they are, they have this essential difference. And what we need to learn to do is to appreciate that. accentuate that you won't believe how smoothly your relationships will go, when you actually understand what's going on in these situations. So now, for example, you know, if, if my girlfriend comes home, and she's had a bad day, normally what I do is I try to fix her problem for her that would piss her off, pissed me off, everything would go bad. And then leave me scratching my head was like, What did I do wrong? Now she comes home, and I understand her mind. She comes home and she's got some problem. She tells me all about her problem. I just sit there patiently and listen to her, let her spiller part out. And then I'll just give her a hug and a kiss and say, Oh, baby, it'll be alright. I understand how you feel. I felt that way too, when something bad happened to me. So you just you empathize, right? Instead of fixing the problem. You just empathize with your woman, and nothing else. You don't try to fix anything. And what happens 30 minutes later, the woman has a huge smile on her face. She loves you more than ever. She wants to have sex with you, everything's going great. You're the best boyfriend in the world. Right? Just that little little change, a little change of not trying to fix her problem. But where did it come from? It come? It comes from this very deep understanding of how she thinks. Now what about the man situation? Well, let's say I'm the woman and the man comes home. The man comes home and he's pissed off. Instead of going there and trying to get him to spill his heart. I just recognize that, oh, he probably is pissed off. He probably wants to do like, some alone time, some space to detach from his emotions to think things through by himself. Oh, honey, why don't you just go work on your car for a couple hours? And then we'll watch a movie after I say something like that to him. And he's like, oh, okay, cool. I was gonna do that anyways. And so he goes off, he drinks his beer, and he works on his car. And then two hours later, he comes back. He's thought everything through he's, you know, he's detached from all those emotions. And now he sits down to watch a movie with you. And it's like, he's, he's feeling great. And you're feeling right now you can you can ask him some questions, you could figure out how he feels, you know, now he's in a better mood and everything goes smoothly, your relationship is saved. Right? This here, right here, this difference, such a small difference, but where does it come from? It comes from this very deep understanding and acceptance. So first, you start with that, then you move on to accentuation actually accentuate you actually start to look for opportunities to make your woman feel like a, like a feminine goddess. And you look then for opportunities as the, as the woman as a woman, you look for opportunities for to make your man feel like he's this, you know, powerful warrior. And when you can play that up, that's when you get the most beautiful relationship. That's when the two parts come together. And you get the perfect yin yang, where the yin and the yang understand each other finally, and they play together to create something larger than the sum of its parts. And that's what I wish for you. And to help you finally to do that. One last little exercise. I want you to take out a piece of paper right now and a pen and write down this one question. This is the key question that summarizes everything we've talked about here. Here's the question, write it down. What I need to accept and integrate about the opposite sex, which I've ignored up until now is blank. What I need to accept and integrate about the opposite sex, which I've ignored up till now is blank. Go ahead and think about that. Write down your answer. And then your job is to work past your resistance. To accept it, integrate it and even perhaps, celebrate it and accentuate it. Alright, that's it. This is Leo, I'm signing off. Post me your comments down below, click the like button, please share this video with an open mind friend. And finally come sign up to actualised.org right here is a free newsletter and also a lot of other cool stuff on the site. I've got some book lists. If you want to research more about this, you can check out some books on my book list about sexuality and male female dynamics. I have some good books on that list. Also my life purpose courses there you might be interested in that book Really, I want you to follow along with actualised.org, however you choose to do it. Because hopefully you get the sense that getting a deeper understanding of how life works, and how people work and how you work how your psychology works, that this is the the master key to all success and fulfillment in life. Whatever you want in your life, it starts here. And if you're struggling to get what you want in your life, in relationships, in business, in your mood, and whatever. It's probably because you lack a deep psychological understanding of your own mind. And this is not an understanding that you can develop with just one video. This is something you need to chip away at. What actualize that org is here to help you to do is to stay on track with learning this stuff, mastering it. And you do that by watching every single week. Small bite sized chunks, do these little exercises that I tell you to do take action on the things I tell you, theoretically, do it in practice. And then what you'll discover is that in a few years, your life will be transformed in unimaginable ways. And that's just still going to be the tip of the iceberg of what you can accomplish with these mindsets and techniques and strategies that I'm sharing with you. So I have a lot more deep ideas coming in the future every single week. So I encourage you to sign up and stay tuned. I'll see you soon.